My drunk dialing habit needs to go. My drunk habit can stay though.
I think I just saw the silver monkey from legends of the hidden temple sitting out in someone's trash
GO. BACK. NOW.
Getting high on the stoop of a brownstone in the middle oh harlem. Doesn't get much more hey arnold than this.
its amazing how hard it is to tell vomit from stuffing the day after
Saw an eatery called Rusty Taco. That sooo could be me.
I'm mad at him and disappointed with you. It's like I put a bunch of effort into a PowerPoint of "what not to do with Zach" to show you and the first bullet point was "do not love him" and you're just disregarding all my effort and friendship.
I have to make mistakes myself to learn from them
FUCK YOU I AM MAKING A POWERPOINT
So I feel like I should feel objectified by your comment about my boobs but instead I just feel proud. 21ST CENTURY FEMINISM, BABY
A girl told me I was her "alcohol spirit animal" tonight. Somehow I think my whole life was secretly building up to this moment
eating jello out of the cup. with my face. while on the toilet. i am at my lowest.
Don't be embarrassed its me, I've licked your taint.
He even wore it to bed. What the hell. He's too excited about that goddamn costume.
Right when he asked me if I was on birth control my dad walked in. This is my fate.
If the ex isent in town and im crying under a table somewhere because of it can we go to a drag show or something
I smoked my last bong as the sun rose. It was magical.
Man the amount of drugs being done at a wedding with a bunch of surgeons was disturbing
Randomize
