Last night, you attempted to motor boat my vagina then proceeded to blow raspberries on it. Don't ever do that again.
Too much gin, very little bucket
Smoked a bowl on a rollercoaster. Literally ON. Beat that.
I like to melt taper candles in my wine bottles the next day, it makes my drinking trophies more classy, and makes me look like less of an alcoholic.
The cop was more concerned with the fact I had cowboy boots on with shorts than the fact we were under age
I'd like to introduce you to my friend, Moderation. Enjoy each other's company this weekend.
Your friend and I already don't get along
Sometimes familiar penis is best. Its like comfort food for your vagina.
She only spoke Russian, but she was so gorgeous it didn't matter
Oh. I think she ate all the cake and took our vodka...still gorgeous.
Brunch got away from me. I might be a little high.
I love you too! Remember NO alcohol or weed at my residence because of legal ramifications.
Duuuuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fruuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fuuuck
He said that I started crying after sex because he was leaving to go back to Europe after the semester was over and I wouldn't see his dick anymore. This is why I need to stop hooking up with the exchange students.
His dick is magical but I don't want to die in this blizzard do you see my dilemma
I really prefer to do my walks of shame in the summer
I'm too picky for internet dating and by picky I mean psycho.
Randomize
