I just woke up to a guy kissing me goodbye and leaving for class. I don't know where I am, don't have any clothes on, my underwear are gone, and the shoes I found with my dress aren't mine. He just walked in and gave me my phone. I was on my period. Come get me I will walk to the nearest intersection and wait.
I am currently trying to use a tide to go pen to remove the jizz from my backseat, it's not working...
Pretty sure I just has te same conversation as you. He suggested I get, sell, and fuck the hoes, and once all was said and done, that I should refer afforementioned hoes to him, to perform felatio.
May God have mercy on my new vibrator.
my brother wants to know why there are wet balloons in his bed and i think you forgot to throw the condoms away but im too hungover to check if thats what hes talking about
How long after st. Patrick's day is it ok to shit green before I should seek medicial attention?
you were asking all the dicks on chatroulette if they had daddy issues
thanks so much for stopping me from telling him i want to have sex with him while i proceeded to hookup with the air.
I'll be accepting presents in the forms of drinks, drugs, and orgasms. So any or all of those will be fine.
Puked up what appears to be battery acid next to the treadmill. Everyone noticed.
Walking down the street at 11 pm dressed in bubble wrap. Why is the bar so fucking far away??
I felt like a personal hot pocket and all I could taste was cigarettes.
Nothing like cleaning out your cleavage from lunch, finding cookie crumbs and eating them...
I hate being the only medical professional in the group. I always end up patching you guys or being the DD when I'm on call. I have problems I need to drown in booze too...
She showed up at 4:30 in the morning HAMMERED, stripped, demanded sex, then after 4 failed attempts stopped me mid-thrust to tell me she thought we should be fucking for a cause, like animal rights. Process that for a second. She wanted us to be fucking for animal rights.
Randomize
