I know i'm drunk when the "men" sign on the bathroom sounds chinese
Don't worry about later. I already pre-ordered a pizza for a 1:45 delivery and told them to ignore any calls from your number.
You're getting good at this, you know that?
there was already a condom in her . . and it was bigger than me
Using pokemon references during sexual acts is always a good idea.
lets make a pact to never make a pregnancy pact
She keeps referring to it as an "us" Either she is seriously mistaken on what fuck buddies are or she learned another meaning of the word "us"
Did you get drunk last night? You put Christian lyrics as your fb status again.
youre not allowed to be friends with girls ive double teamed. period.
Just say its a British thing. They wont know Its not. And if they say you're not British, proposition them for a post-sex game of cricket.
if the future wants me to fuck him, then i guss i have to
How do you feel? I threw up in a towel. Also, a lot of other things.
My vday gift was a joint bouquet, Finding Nemo on bluray, and a good shower fuck.
Um, WHAT A FUCKING KEEPER!
I was masturbating and a roofer walked past my bedroom window.
Rolled over in bed this morning and found Nutella and wet naps. Why can't it ever be a fire fighter, or Jude Law.
I need to stop being so honest when I'm drunk. I got proposed to by a stranger again last night. It's not my fault that I would be perfectly ok making sandwiches and giving blow jobs for the rest of my life.
Randomize
