Maybe if i eat something filling like whole wheat pasta it will make me less hungry for things like dick
You realize if you die tommorow, the last memory i'll ever have of you is your ballsack on skype
He got tattooed, peirced, and we're pretty sure he got rufeed by that fat chick. He was like a walking spring break stereotype.
My dry heaving is complicating my ability to speak.
Oh come on. There's no way I was the only female choir student taking shots in the back room.
Baked and hanging out with Al from Home Improvement's son. You can't make this shit up. Tuh-rippin balls
I woke up at 6am to a knock and a naked guy at my window.
It's was about average. But he had a tat on his thigh that said "pull-out n' rollout" so I won't have to worry about a round two request.
I'm so glad we both made out with him though. I feel like that really brought us together
Did u know it's unconstitutional to turn down a shot during 4th of July celebrations.. Rest now dear liver
Pedi-lyte stocked
How do I cancel buying spotify premium for two homeless people?
you ever just feel like an organ is failing?
Someone stole a lamp last night.
If walking through the neighborhood with a bottle of tequila and margarita mix is postgrad life, I'm okay with it
The creeper at the bar just realized we have the same birthday and bought me four beers already. He walked off so I took his change and dashed, i'm bringing the case over now.
Randomize
