We just picked up about 540 lbs of women....
I can't believe I wasted a google wave invite on her.
Left for charity run at 5AM. Saw a pigeon eating last night's vomit and a pair of shame-walkers in high heels. Nature at it's finest.
I think whatever his name is just puked on the stairs. Just an fyi for the morning. Love you.
Remember when you tried to pay that stripper to cry on stage?
I have a boner and a quesadilla why aren't you here
My roommate has gone Christmas crazy. It looks like Jack Frost came all over my living room. Wanna come fuck me in the fake snow by the fireplace?
how many ponies have to be on my pajama pants to convince him im gay?
i think we need a new approach.
They are stoned and trying to learn sign language together. It's like watching a chimp waving at itself in a mirror.
I decided to let him keep the rest of my good weed as an "I'm sorry for being a drunk ass ho" consolation prize.
Well shove his head down there and tell him not to stop til we have a new president!
I just had a 10 minute staring contest with my dog. Can you come over?
I'm killing it this week, I've peed my pants and put my vibrator into the washing machine.
I just broke into my house with a butter knife. It kinda scares me just how easy that was.
I have acquired a mango...tonight is successful so far
Her name is susan
Randomize
