were not allowed back there because i puked on the waitresses foot while trying to order another round. for myself.
Kay wants to put chicklets in our cooters to make beavers and take pix captioned Got Wood? Taking public transit does scary things to her.
just saw an anti-abortion rally outside of the courthouse...so naturally i tossed them out a coat hanger i found in my car
They are providing beer and having a margarita machine. This cannot be passed up.
just added God to my list of friends who can only see my limited profile on facebook. its such a relief to know that He can't watch me fuck up my life anymore.
Someone is gonna learn how to start an IV in the morning
I told her that I was going up to my room to lay in front of a fan without pants on, watching Avengers and she still wanted to get with me. I have to marry her.
Is it weird that I Facebook creep hot people from their credit card receipts?
Being single for so long makes me fucking creepy.
I won't trust your judgement until the word stripper doesn't make me laugh
Personally, I'm gonna be Sexy Dobby the House Elf.
Leaving Denver airport I just saw a group of young Republicans in matching green T-shirts that said "4/20 Baby!"
Wait is this place where the strippers are missing teeth and I think one is missing a thumb? Though I don't know how she would maneuver on the pole without a thumb. Pls advise.
See I am maturing. I just got in from my DRIVE of shame......
Nothing is more confusing than dreaming about being chased by jets, then waking up with an erection.
Dude I'm pretty sure everyone in my office knows I fucked our boss...can I ask for anything better?
Randomize
