i'm sending her a home depot gift card for the hole i put in her wall. call it good?
i was in the bathroom puking my brains out, a girl walked in and said "i just came to do the same thing" so i told her i would move over and share the toilet. its better than being alone.
you were crying while pretty ricky was playing, what did you want me to do
I think it was our ex-neighbor Mike. He leaves Taco Bell outside our door a lot
He'll drop off his extra tacos at our place bc he's super high when he orders & can't eat them all
If your wondering where your blanket is, I put it on the 2 guys you brought home last night. Their still sleeping outside on the trampoline.
its the kind of pain that only someone with a fucking elephant on their head would understand. I'm never drinking again.
Like, he's a nice guy. But he's better at fingering than he is at speaking.
I got punched in the face by a Cowboy last night. Then he bought me a beer cause o convinced security not to kick him out the bar. Start of a fairytale love story? I think so.
Up until today, I never would have thought I'd have to tell someone not to color on the cat
No kiss but I got free McDonald's so at least we can focus on what is really important here
I tried to avoid catching feelings but then he took me out to breakfast
When I came out of the bathroom you were naked dead asleep on the couch but your dick was still rock hard standing straight up. I almost took a pic. It was impressive.
She can be as judgemental as she wants. But she thinks the female orgasm is a myth so who is really winning here...
I finished my first whiskey and I'm waiting to have a second one in celebration when your pregnancy test comes back negative
She is either doing really drawn out crunches or trying to sniff her boobs...She's lying on her back with her hand behind her head, forcing her head into the cleavage that's ok to expose and then moves her head back and then does it again.
Randomize