Would it be horrible to send my ex's girlfriend an email telling her that I sexed her man up so dirty that he fell asleep inside of me afterwards?
we black-lighted her bedspread and it looked like a jackson pollock painting.
I'm sorry that spending new years with you was fucking my boyfriend in your bathroom multiple times
I just want uncharted vagina. Fresh and ripe.
did you really just send me an instagramed dick pic?
Do you think you're physically and mentally capable of killing me? Because I'd really appreciate it.
He's getting off drug court. We're doing a super-blunt with 50 dollars worth stuffed inside. He almost cried tears of joy when we told him.
so getting blacked out last night has made my lips so beautifully red for pictures today... and they say nothing good comes from alcohol
I am stoned at Disneyland with my little brother. It's gonna be a good day.
Yes, you can go into Petsmart drunk but the cats awaiting adoption don't appreciate the soft pretzels squeezed through their cages.
Would you think less of me if I said I was eating a toaster strudel in the bath.
I'm bathroom at buffalo wild wings
I think incapable of making pants work send help
Also, you think turning 23 is bad, I just ran into the guy that gave my chlymidia
He stopped the gas pump at 69 and gave me my receipt. He wants it.
I need like a billion tiny bottles of alcohol to put in the patron pinatas
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