I've decided through careful research we can out drink any country folk.
think im gonna go get a six pack before class and sit in the back of the room...
I am 90% sure the kid in front of me in class is picking his face spots, smelling it, and then eating it. That is a LOT of % sure for something like that.
halloween makes it hard to decipher real cops... from sexy men dressed up as them.
I made out with a bride-to-be last night at the bar. Jesus died for our sins right?
She just fell in the river. Meet us downstream with the bottle.
After he was done he gave me a case of landshark and tickets to tomorrows yankee game. This is the best nonrelationship ever
He's like Medusa, you can't look directly into his eyes or you'll turn into a slut.
Just saw a tranny in a skimpy captain america costume walking around campus. Going to follow her. You gotta see this
Today's been pretty great, I went and bought the new Batman for the sole purpose of masturbating to Bane
I'm in your room because it's a safe space. Is it ok to pee in here?
Just realized Ive never seen my f buddy in the daylight. What if he looks different?
Those boxers don't belong to me anymore. They belong to the desert surrounding Phoenix.
You took all of your clothes off and tried to seduce me and while trying to seduce me you decided you were too drunk and passed out.
p.s i need to stop drunk texting my mom. she brings up text convos all the time and i have no idea what shes talking about...
Randomize
