I just saw a stripper wear a tube top around her floppy gut. God bless Michigan.
dont worry your back hair reminds me of angel wings
Sometimes, dog treats look like people treats.
dude she's married.
so? a ring don't cover no holes.
Whyyyyy do my fingers smell like Chinese food.
There's a girl in here wearing a kaballah bracelet and a miley Cyrus tshirt. consider her judged.
Well, both are illegal but one involves my vagina a whole lot less.
Life lesson learned last night, if you are too drunk to use the atm leave the strip club
I woke on the floor next to a big TV. Apparently I traded my bed for a 52 inch samsung and a box of pop tarts.
CORAL IS FAR MORE RED THAN HER LIPS RED
Oh god you're Sonnet 130 drunk, aren't you.
I'm supposed to be studying for finals but all I can think about is blowing him on a sea doo this summer
You were my sober police. You had one job and you failed miserably.
I'm a corrupt cop.
Sitting in my car feasting on the spoils of Taco Bell as Donna Lewis croons "I love you, always forever." A more perfect moment will never exist.
Me and my girlfriend were watching porn together..... it got awkward cause I kept getting notifications from my family on Facebook
You said if the geese can walk on the lake so can I.
Randomize
