There isn't a single transaction on my online bank account that doesn't involve drugs or alcohol since November 12
I've reached the slutty point of no return. And it feels like multiple orgasms and coke lines
Do you think it'd be inappropriate to have an I'm Not Keeping My Baby Party the day after her baby shower?
totally worth getting kicked out for trying to throw my drink on lindsay lohans ankle bracelet.
Thats the worst face I've ever seen you make an I've seen you throw up in your own hair.
And he was super vague about his life, it was frustrating. I totally boned a homeless guy, didn't I?
Quick! What do I wear on a 4 hour road trip with an older guy in the army I had pantomime sex with in a hotel a few months ago?
I distinctly remember holding up a piece of ham pizza and screaming: "WHO THE FUCK EATS HAM PIZZA" in the face of a bunch of scared 13 year old girls faces, while my own sister laughed in mine.
The band last night was really good
That was definitely karaoke. Guess that answers my follow up question on how drunk you were.
He was wearing running shoes tho. Thats like the cardinal rule. You don't fuck a guy who wears running shoes as regular shoes.
I've had 5 hours of sleep and I still smell like sex with the Colonel. I don't appreciate spontaneity.
I never thought my selfie stick would come in handy for nudes.
Wait you actually sent a text to your self saying “love you I miss you"?
It might be the most honest thing I've ever said. ...or I've had 3 vodka tonics.
so i showed up to the bars in a sombrero and a tie as a headband... so yeah, they didn't let me in
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