Getting 10 cents back for every can is really just encouraging alcoholism.
I was dancing barefoot on glass at one point. That really sobered me up.
don't worry about the poodle she's always like that. she's like 14 years old and ate a bag of weed when she was a puppy.
nothing like morning wood sex at 4pm. funemployment ftw
Step 1: drink. 2: drink more. 3: go for it. 4a: success. 4b: drink more. 5. drink. 6. go for other girls. 7. drink more. Sound good?
My liver hurts and I just woke up from my first sleep in two days
Sounds like the perfect vacation
I'm not a horrible person, I just see what everyone chooses to politely ignore.. And occasionally say it aloud whilst deeply intoxicated.
this is terrible I feel like i'm trapped in a cage with a wild republican
I woke up in a trash can. Please dude. I don't know what I did to you last night, but I'm sorry. Epically sorry. Please call me back. Please.
Dude it's huge. I don't usually like looking at those things, but you're kind of forced to stare that horse in the face.
I responded with "neat-o burrito" to his SEXT...he tried so hard and I just panicked.
No fair. I need a fuck buddy to entertain me till the power comes back on
He flew in from NY last night. We had sex in the back of my car in the airport parking lot and then he fed me fresh Babka (from Breads Bakery) as I drove him home. I can't decide if I love him or Babka more.
it'll be like the notebook except for with way more of my penis
i didnt realize that your first thought would be SEXUALIZING BREAD
Randomize
