Pretending to care about her feelings is becoming a full time job
whoever threw up in my shampooo bottle is totally getting defriended on facebook.
i tried to stop you. you just kept saying your split ends needed punishment.
I'm leaving my hospital band on when we go drinking tonight. I'm aiming for pity sex.
Everything tastes like hotdogs and shame.
The cop told me to answer for everyone if there was drinking involved and then i threw up in my Luigi's italian ice that i was eating with a pizza slicer
Good call on the strip club last night. Everytime i smell some flowery candle or air freshener I get transported back to having my face firmly planted in Riah and Desire's tits.
You're welcome.
The chick I hooked up with last night is my girlfriend older sister. Who is in town visiting. Who I just met. Who I just had dinner With. Who is here along with their parents and the whole family. How did my luck get so bad?
Hate you missed the after party, I was covered in dish soap gliding bare assed down a slip n slide at 6:30 this morning
Then you bent down and whispered, "excuse me mr. Stair, could you please stop moving?"
I really have to stop having sex with people I sell drugs to...it feels unprofessional
Over 14,000 people at my school and the kid I went home with last night is IN MY FUCKING LECTURE
another side note: i'm officially selling my underwear on the internet
I'm SO high. And there is so much pudding in this car
11:30 and people are pissing in the sink. It's gonna be a good night.
Our love of vodka is more proof than a maternity test
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