I asked him how he was going to celebrate tomorrow and he said "tits, clits, and bong hits"
Someone left a beer in front of your door...there's a note with it that says "peace offering"
if you lined all their dicks up next to eachother, it would be like at&t bars
good news. according to wikipedia, my blackout might just have been "post-trauma amnesia"
So apparently we dropped beers outside the apartment last night, and someone RETURNED them! Ha like what? I just walked out the front door to Christmas in a box on my doorstep.
Last thing i remember is pounding jager and puking in that nerds george foreman grill. Then i wake up this morning with some random tooth brush in my mouth
I couldn't find my shirt this morning so I stole one from his eight year old sister. Slutted up my outfit quite a bit.
Oh thank the gods of upholstery, i thought that was never coming out...
I thought my period ended but I felt it again as soon as Pitbull started playing
Hey! Where are you? It's Irrisponsible Patio time and you're not here firing shots down summer student's throats
No, it wasn't really a sexy 'I'm going to go masturbate.' It was an 'I'm going to go masturbate' that implied I was going to drink a tall boy of Mikes and cry while I looked at lesbian porn.
Nooo, I ran into two if my exes, both having their engagement parties at the bar. It was like a fucking Eskimo family reunion, but with more tequila.
I woke up with my my shoes on and pants half way off and missing 60 dollars. Please please please tell me you saw me last night.
got some info she was last seen with some guy wearing goggles
Welcome aboard the S.S. struggle. I'll be your captain for today's voyage and Jeremy is your first mate. Just sit back and relax while we navigate the seas of drunken regret. Your forecast for the day is violently hungover with a chance of "shit, that really did happen!"
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