They totally botched my boob job. My tits look like they're are winking.
she told me she had a boyfriend but the alcohol told me she didn't
He was dressed in cheap leather and smelled like death.
just found the deal breaker
hairy back?
he can't live within 1000 ft of a school
And if not, hey- I've never had a restraining order before, so that will be cool
It could be our claim to fame
Done. I'll pack a cooler.
YouTube is recomending me a video on how to make a home made meth bong, what has my life come to?
I feel like that needs to be the last time i end a text with "fuck them i love tequila".
The gay viking and his eqyptian 'queen' hooked up on our couches. They pushed them together to make a bed. Innovative, but awkward to come home from work to at 7 am.
You coulda licked the floor this morning and got drunk.
Never thought I would be taunted by little kids about my walk of shame
I just finished a four mile round trip walk to CVS to buy shaving cream and lube. You're welcome.
I think I'll shower sitting down. That seems safe.
momentary stint on a second floor library computer...guy next to me snorted blue adderall off his notebook through a cut straw, i cant tell if this guy is my hero or just plain crazy...
I threw up soo much that I started crying. Then his grandma randomly came in and started rubbing my back...
i know were having a "heart to heart" right now, but does it make you feel uncomfortable that im sexting someone right now?
Randomize
