If it wasnt for my iphone and loopt, I would still be wandering the streets in a drunken stooper. Thanks Steve Jobs.
just upgraded from jello shots to jello bowls blacking out just got that much more delicious
The mexican place next the the funeral home has dollar margaritas, our grandfather would want us to act on this... trust me i know.
nyquil sex gave me 6 orgasms so I support that
Lets start the night off early. Those Coronas arent going to throw themselves up.
he drove an hour to get eggs with me not even a blow job, just eggs.
i was about to rearrange the room but realized that this is the only efficient setup where we can have sex while the other one's asleep without them accidentally seeing.
shattered his nose in 8 pieces. Blaming it on the dog. I feel more guilty about ruining the dog's good name than I do about ruining his nose.
False alarm I know hes alive because when i tried shaking him awake he pissed his pants and rolled over..
Happiness is watching your asshole boss' police DUI video.
I will never understand why the dress to get laid party is always scheduled to be during family weekend. Its not even ironically funny.
She got called into work early but she left me a note that had directions to her roommates stash of weed on top of a two bacon and egg mcmuffins. I think I win.
Please note that in response to your post about your dog's jaws clamped hard around a stick, I did not comment, "Takes after his dad." You're welcome.
There is a video of you making out with him, flipping off the camera, and holding the plastic flamigo that you had just stolen out of a yard
Is that strawberry winking at me??
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