You picked the wrong day to call in sick. She's wearing the librarian glasses today.
I was thinking about him in the shower then i get out of the shower and there was a text from him
its like he has a camera inside of my shower that looks into my brain
And then out of the blue she sent me a youtube video mashup of cats puking to techno music
I saw a 60 yr old mans penis last night. Just for the record.
I said I was going to sleep an hour ago. Now I'm making plans to get high with the guy who mows your lawn.
That's the first time I've ever heard something that tickled both my gag reflex and my penis simultaneously.
I totally just stopped for a booty call on the way to my parents for easter....good friday is an understatement
But seriously who drew a dick on a tortilla and nailed it to the door?
Hahah. They reconnected again?
Like with his penis I guess
Step 1: chug a red bull vodka with no ice Step 2: chase that with a shot of wild turkey Step 3: chase that with a shot of tequila
Step 4: your drunk
Oh I know babe. You're shining beacon of adult responsibility. That's why I go down on you.
I go down on you because abs
We cuddled after till the morning. Then he woke up sober... and straight.
My new roommate is awesome. His father owns a bar and his sister has an E cup. I'm going to be with him forever
I shouldn't have that kind of responsibility when the prospect of being high is readily available. All I could do was hula hoop and smoke cigarettes last night. My remembrance of anything important was out the window.
I never thought I could be this turned on by a man wearing racoon tails.
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