I just googled "whats above a trillion", thats how busy I am at work.
if socks could get pregnant i would have catholic amounts of kids
My 40 year old neighbors are throwing a party for their eight year old niece's birthday. It's 1am and they're still partying hard. Harder than me. It's Saturday. Just say it, I'm a disgrace to the generation.
oh hey just found a glowstick in my tits. fuck yes new years eve
i've been thru my totinos phase. then after reading the ingredients and nutritional info i almost puked in my mouth. its like having the bastard child of pizza hut and mcdonalds invade your kitchen and start stabbing your digestive system.
we've had sex 4 times and he still refers to me as 'the chick in my chem class'
He's blaming gravity for his problems right now, so put that in perspective
Is it possible to dent your eyeball? And how do you "accidentally" go cosmic bowling?
perfect. if all else fails remind him how anxious he is. talk real fast and induce a panic attack that only I can remedy with xanax.
We found you wrapped up in a tarp in the garage the next morning, thats how real shit got.
I woke up in someone's flat in Budapest and then got offered a free piercing before I left. Best. Hookup. Ever.
Well puke fest 2014 just happened
No alcohol sales on Election Day. WTF? Today, of all days, I need to be splurged to to vote for any of these morons running for president.
How did your walk of shame include a trip to Walmart and how did you bump into the cop that arrested you last night there?
do you know why there was a glass jar of hot chocolate and a traffic flare in my shower?!! like where did that even come from
Randomize