I don't know where I am, but its a Goosebumps novel waiting to happen.
Do u kno any dealers?
I've officially lost all respect for you, dad.
i was the DD for the swedish students tonight. Got paid 23 dollars for driving 10 miles. gotta love ignorance and the confusion conversion brings.
Remind me to never go to the bar with your Asian friends again. I need to be able to read or pronounce what I'm drinking.
I have the money I owe you for auctioning off your black thongs. Best 30 bucks ever spent
I'm drinking beergaritas with a dog who is high and a baby
your completely serious
There is not greater feeling than lying to your boss and leaving work to shit in the comfort of your own home
that's all we do, eat and hve sex, eat and have sex. he thinks it's bad and that we need to talk more or whatever but I'm just not seeing the problem...
...I can smell the alcohol on your breath through that text
I need a hug and tequila
I'm sitting next to a milk crate full of tequila right now
This is why we need to live in the same city again
Stop saying "make it happen". I'm not gonna say "hey, you should get naked with your sister and roll around together while I penetrate you both"
Yes. Do not say that. That will not make it happen.
Still. Make it happen
I don't know man, I woke up and shes here acting like she knows me, wearing my clothes, and scrambling eggs in my kitchen. I don't know her.
You were drinking with me last night, I warned you.
I'm topless, wearing a fur coat, stink of sex, and eating dim sum. 2015 is off to a great start.
you grabbed the breathalyzer at dinner, blew a 0.20 and told the waitress you'd eat her ass
We got stoned and took selfies with the most perfect lawn
Randomize
