i wish there were pregnant emoticons
96 perecent sure i just took a shower with socks
This threesome is so guaranteed that dinner feels like a charade
stranger just walked up to the fridge at the party, took the hawaiin punch out, drank it straight from the bottle, looked at everyone who stared in awe and said "im fucking thirsty" and put it back.
I said make yourselves at home, not to put a used condom on my ceiling fan.
You were too busy being proud of your penis shaped pancakes to notice...
Imagine the time you most wanted to kill yourself. Now add a room full of jail bait and no booze. Multiply that by a million.
If I am going to throw out this whole "born again virgin" thing...i'm not going to do it on someone who is less than 5 inches.
i feel this will be the best possible way to start a friendship. By breaking into his house.
She showed up to the party with a live octopus and a 30 pack that was already half gone
blowjobs from left handed girls are noticably better than from righties. these are the most important things I've learned this semester
Ran into a tinder match at the bar last night. We spotted each other and started making out without speaking any words to each other. Fuck yea technology!
I've had sex near too many of the blankets to let our parents touch them like this
On a scale from 1-10 how fucked up would it be to buy weed with my fafsa money?
It's a study aid
Making friends with the guy who had alcohol-infused whipped cream was the best decision I made all night.
Randomize
