thank god he doesn't hang out with everyone else i've had sex with
well, yeah, he can't fit the whole neighborhood in his apartment
South Carolina's governor once cited "moral legitimacy" when he was a congressman voting for President Bill Clinton's impeachment. Karma is a bitch.
Dude, somewhere around here makes 4loko slushies. I just decided coming home isn't so bad.
I walked in on you rubbing your nose all over his face while straddling him and yelling "I'M SO SORRY!" repeatedly. I'd say you were in pretty good shape at that point in the night.
I don't even want to think about the kind of person who would shit in the street before 10pm on a Sunday.
I'm slightly possesive over the gucamole when i'm stoned.
Is that why you left peanut shells in my bed?
my revenge plans when i'm high are never as good as i think they are
I've started a list of places i want to drink. To go along with the list of places i want to have sex. Lincoln's log cabin is on both.
There is a 5-year old here fighting 'drunk monkeys'. He tried to knock a drink out of my hand with a plastic light saber...
I'm mopping my WALLS now. And talking to my mop. I literally just told it "yeah I kno that dirt doesn't wanna come off but were gonna get aren't we?" This is some good snow!!! mini maid needs to give it to their maids. The world would be spotless!!!!
Got head at the top of a water slide over-looking the valley while wearing a sombrero and drinking a corona. Epic.
You started crawling towards a moving train. Maybe you should take it easy next time
In case you were wondering how drunk I was last night, there was an unopened slim Jim in front of my door and I ate it.
FINALLY GOT MY TENTH DICK. PARTY FOREVER
Are you the reason I woke up without pants?
Man, that hitchhiker cursed me.
Randomize
