On valentines day I took a girl on a date that I suspect was homeless
I'm driving in the middle of nowhere, and I just saw a stuffed Barney hanging from a noose on a tree. Maybe I should turn around.
I decided it would be a good time to smoke on one of my deliveries but then I got the munchies and ate a piece of the pizza I was freaking out so I told him it was our new pacman pizza
I love the moment a guy admits defeat against the front clasping bra.
If I start taking birth control 8 days after we had sex do you think it'll stop the baby from being made?
Being thankful with your family is one thing. Being thankful with your friends while getting drunk and smoking bowls while eating leftovers, priceless.
I'm really hoping to find some quality strange ass tonight while at my court appearance.
I would have been the big man on campus...just flop my wang out on the table and how them what they were gonna deal with if they dropped the soap
I wish more of my problems were easily solvable by taking a good long shit.
I feel like I should treat myself every time I find out I'm not pregnant. Is there a pie company that delivers??
I really don't know how I went from having a few drinks to waging war against ghosts in my apartment but here we are
So basically I really like drugs AND banging cops and it's starting to get complicated
I just can't have sex in the car again. it's just too much
I'm eating a block of cheese like its a sandwich in the tsa line
His parents then knew me as the blackout who took care of him and stole his watch
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