if you wake up with plaid pants on your floor in the morning, you made a bad decision.
I Bought a bracelet with bible characters and a charm broke. the virgin mary one. Do you think it's a sign?
why is there a picture of someone wearing Tevas with socks taped on the wall?
He said we were driving the golf cart through the woods screaming 'iceroad truckers' for four hours in the dark
Mental note: adding peach schnapps to a gin and tonic does not "water it down."
Almost peed between 2 cars...till I realized that it's daytime and I'm sober.
I just asked the dr if it was herpes while wearing my shirt from the strip club...
I told you to stay away from the strippers in Oklahoma
God and karma are having a fucking field day with my body today.
Thats the last time im "arresting" you to get out of paying your bar tab.
What?! The only reason I married your sister is to have a Cop in the family!
YOU HAVE BEEN BAD TOUCHED BY THE LEPRECHAUN OF CHOICES
When my beach tent arrives , I strongly suggest quitting our jobs and becoming homeless beach drunks
He walked into the bar with a pineapple and they served him AND the pineapple
I have no regard for my liver, you should know this.
Nothing ruins your day more than waking up to you dogs crotch in your face
Is she talking about a testicle cuff or just a cock ring? How did you meet this girl?
Is there a big difference?
It’s about the same as the difference between a night of drunken sex with a stripper at the Bellagio and being robbed and left for dead by a crystal meth tweaker
Randomize
