Fake titties should be able inflate and deflate like tires. So on Saturday you can put on your Double D hooker titties or Sunday put on your size B church tits.
Just found out my brother beats off to Lauren Conrad. the Hills will never be the same.
Do you understand how much easier life would be if fannypacks were normal
Being at this bar with grandma is a real cockblocker
Things i learned at work today: do not put mayonaise on a tattoo, it will get infected.
Copy that. Decided to shower with a beer in a glass bottle. Gotta stop the bleeding first. Be there is 20
Does the room smell any better?
Yeah, i sprayed perfume. It smells like Victoria's Secret, if Victoria's secret was that she was homeless.
I can control the tv with my phone while pooping on the second floor. I thought you should know for future reference
This is the third year in a row that Mario has fallen through a table on New Years. I'm sensing a tradition developing.
I threw up in my room. And I cleaned it up with a spatula.
I'll have to start mass sending dong pics to get the recognition I deserve
I just had to close my blinds so my neighbors wouldn't see me drinking a beer at 9 am. GO CHIEFS!
Brah, we should get a "do not disturb sign"... I can't have people knocking on the door while I'm high, it fucks with me way too much.
I like to be the stable force in your otherwise chaotic existence.
Taco Bell is better for you than cocaine, I promise.
Randomize
