for halloween i should be pregnant. what is scarier than that?!
The walk of shame has never felt more glorious... I think it's the somberero
Sam from lord of the rings is 10 yards away from me, i am creaming myself.
His texts read Like a 15 year olds diary.
I could literally track my booty calls if I ever got knocked up by my parking tickets
Hhahaha he is. Omg the new polish friend just took his pants off in front of me. There is something wrong with this nationality.
Is it horrible that I want to keep my purple landing strip until after my gyno apt? I feel like someone beside myself should see it...
I blacked out before two in the afternoon yesterday. Now that's a successful birthday.
Its only.eleven and we are already chasing a man on a bike with a bag full of burger king
He was so drunk he was throwing the bowling balls into other lanes on purpose. He still beat my high score thought.
Im just using you for your dick and your superb survival skills if needed.
Pretty sure my idea of standards went out the window when I hooked up with a guy who had a rooster tattoo with an arrow pointing down to his no no bits. Think about it.
With gravity the way it is and your butt clearly being the size of a bus you'd break your hip or something
Why let a Christmas Eve hangover ruin a perfectly good Christmas Day acid trip?
The cops asked Ben if he was drunk and he slurred "I'm man enough to admit that I am" with a southern draw
Randomize
