He's been sleeping iwht ***
Nooo
Yeah I don't even know how, she looks like her mom smoked crack while she was in the womb
And then hit her in the face with a shovel
Ryan Reynolds porn could be a WMD. Have a giant TV on the front of your tank, and just drive around playing it. Everyone dies of orgasm overload.
That's it. Iraq is done. Everyone dies, game over man.
Stop it. You sound like you're giving birth.
I want Paula Dean to narrate shark week next year
You told me you were allowed to keep eating butter because it had just passed midnight and you were on the next day's daily fat servings
Well it went from being a hug to a straight out tackle through the back door.
at the last minute we also decided to throw an egg in the beer bong. and he drank it, shell and all.
And dont tell me its his job to cockblock me just because he's my boyfriend.
Is there a law against that?
Nope not at all. Just morals. But fuck it, this is college, not real life.
he was very distressed by my statements that there could have been balls on shoulders without awareness
I partied with a deaf mute last night. strangely enough the more drunk I get the easier it is to understand him.
Apparently asking your girlfriends roommate for a hand job when u craw into the wrong bed after a bottle of rum is "bad form".
Phone keeps correcting good morning to "food moaning" and I like the way it thinks.
I have hit the ultimate fuck buddy status. We pulled over in a construction zone to have a quickie.
Our sex sesh was interrupted by a bunch of hobos fighting outside his apartment.
Randomize
