Omg. It looks like a crack pipe exploded in your mouth.
if I end up fighting someone to save $15 on a toaster oven then something went wrong earlier in life
ask me if i forgot to go to a midterm today
Do you ever wonder how many people have prayed for you to be a better person?
using blue streamers we found on the bathroom floor was probably not the best substitute for toilet paper.
you said you wanted to feel how much my penis weighed for educational purposes
I'm imaging you naked, covered in butter. And I gotta say, I'm not impressed.
I'm using my dog as a pillow. He's cool with it.
Just read 119 best sex positions. I wanna try 107 of them. Can I put you down for 50?
It's national "dress up your pet day" come over. Drugs and dressed up cats..it's the shit dreams are made of.
He sent me a dick pic, and it had smeared lipstick on it. So I sent him the pic of my tit with the hickey ring your brother gave me.
I shaved my balls for you. Do you have any idea how hard that is?
i dont think sending her flowers will make her forgive you running over her foot.
So he has moved up to a stage 5 clinger...Surprised he didn't try to lure you into bed with tacos, like he did last time
Yeah... akward. I don't want a round 2
It's a charity event and she's wearing a cocktail dress drinking a 40... I found my future wife
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