Honey, If i waited till marriage I wouldnt know what a dick tasted like.
hey sry I lost all my numbers who is this?
pat the guy you slept with
still need a last name
I've spent the last three hours watching 30 rock and eating marshmallows and ham. I'm considering taking up weed to justify my lifestyle.
All I know is I had a penis in one hand a bottle of wine in the other
Is it too much to ask that I wake up one morning with out a pic of your dick as my wallpaper??
Do you think if I tell the hot Santa at work that I want a sugar daddy for Christmas that he'll get the hint?
Ran out of plates, so I'm using my sociology notes. Looks like they will finally have a practical use.
Im hitting on this chick at a stoplight when all the sudden. i notice this chick blowing some dude in the backseat.
Is it possible to break your brain with drugs?
I wish I knew the extent of my injuries before I climbed over the fence. Might have avoided the need to purchase a cupholder for my wheelchair.
So by "wait for me" do you think he meant "Don't have sex with random dentists?"
Conference sex doesn't count if the dentist doesn't know your name.
My uncle showed up to pick us up at the bar just as I bought a drink so I put it in my pocket #drunksmart
You walked in on us hooking up, hugged me, high fived him and unhooked my bra.. You claimed to be helping
I have a weird question... did you bite my back last night?
Nothin much, just sipping warm franzia from a plastic valentines wine glass while wrapped in my Mexican blanket listening to sappy country songs and mourning my lack of a love life. Hbu?
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