I am so gay it hurts my loins. Going to see She's Just Not That Into You... again. Ohhh my goodness.
I saw her while sober, and she is definately cut off from the penis ride
If Curt Schilling could pitch a game with that blood-filled sock... if Tiger Woods won the 2008 US Open with a torn ligament, then I'd be an embarrassment to the human race if I couldn't manage to at least jerk him off even if I was still crying after he put it in my butt.
just got cropdusted by the delivery guy...this was not in my job description.
All I have in my fridge is chocolate cake, pizza, spicy mayo sauce, beer, and weed. I love college
just upgraded from jello shots to jello bowls blacking out just got that much more delicious
He's a waiter, looks 15, and told me he loved me after only talking to me for 30 minutes. I told him I wanted a margarita. We got 3 free pitchers. I may have to make this our regular Wednesday night hangout.
hi sober isdnt real. this is a mass rtoomate taext i thing. bye
AMAZING.
When I take mushrooms I can feel your presence down there. I can feel where Africa is too.
My dick was almost in plain McDonald's sight
So he got the TA job but i told him its not official until we have a quickie on his desk. He offered to break into his office. He doesnt start until this fall.
It is a bad day indeed when you learn that your boy toy looks better in your dresses than you do
I just masterbated to the home shopping channel...what have I become...
My Tinder date from last night is my Uber driver for tonight's Tinder date...neither of us said a word.
I woke up this morning cradling my vibrator like it was a baby
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