and I'm going to name my autobiography "blow jobs with enthusiasm are the best"
I'm naming my autobiography "Reasons Not to Date Girls From Texas."
I was literally just a half conscious dildo.
Makin mac and cheese without you. Definitely seem to do this better inside you. Splashed boiling water on my cock
Do not deep throat a rocket pop, it WILL go into your lungs, and you may die.
So then I proceeded to the kitchen to make my "specialty," which consisted of a frozen veggie burger topped with peanut butter. I guess he ate it too.
I'll just put on a bunch of mascara and cry right before I get there. Then everyone will recognize me.
I just watched my mom get dick on Skype.
That d should have definitely been an s.
Are you coming to class or was the dick pic this morning your way of saying not today?
So which one of you fuckers changed my backgrounds while I was passed out to me holding a chicken like the statue of liberty?
When God was sprinkling self control to everybody, he ran out and was like ehhhh she'll make it!
Pride is not for the college student young Padawan. Tequila is for the college student.
Asking me to suck on my nipples isn't going to make me less mad at you.
She swallowed the car key because she thought we were really going to make her drive.
I know she’s pissed I fucked her husband, but I didn’t know he was married until after I blew him at Legoland
Here's a rundown of my night alone. Danced my ass off in the kitchen to FleetmacWood. Drank a little bit. Ordered $40 worth of Chinese food once the drinks kicked in. Picked up said Chinese in dirty sweatpants and slippers. #livinglife
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