And now we're talking about squeezing babies out of vaginas...
I had a bacon mcgriddle for the first time today. It was like eating a baby angel.
new rule: cockblock me if I have had over a fifth of jack. no matter what.
We thought you were crowd-surfing until we realized it was the bouncers throwing you out
Mom just texted me to see if it was you who was streaking at the Mariner game... Did you accept yet another $1 bet?
She cheated on me with the same state trooper that wrote me a ticket.
I guess now you have a way to keep your license when you bring that up in court.
Dude, you are the most awesome.
No. I heard a cover of "my heart will go on". This is not sanity.
I distinctly remember calling the anesthesiologist a "sneaky little bastard" directly to his face
I used my tears to chase my tequila. You could say I rallied.
You better fucking tell me or I'm turning blow job week into go fuck yourself week.
FIND ME A DICK TO RIDE THAT HOPEFULLY IS ATTACHED TO A CUTE PERSON AND NICE PERSONALITY
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED. Is it okay if I only get 2 out of 3?
The D is nonnegotable.
You could totally spank that new found Catholicism out of him.
My only contacts are booty calls or the club hockey team.
Tell me why i'm looking through my medical records and the last thing it said about my labor was 'vagina was explored'!?
So learned a new trick last night.... Taking body shots from my own tits... Mom would be so proud
Randomize
