I found those 18 whoppers we bought.
oh don't forget that when we go furniture shopping we have to find a matching bong so put more money in the furniture fund
Just had a flash back. Pretty sure i ate toilet paper last night.
Leaving someone plastered on a corner at 3am telling them to just scream for cock is NOT being a good wingman.
ill be fine wheb you get back. I'm gunna do real world things like washing the dishes. having to perform serious tasks brings you down.
She took a crow from her moms Halloween decorations, taped it to her shoulder, went to the bar and made the guys buy a drinks for both her and the crow.
Technically he's married but he says it's "not like that" even tho his wife lives with him. Not sure if I believe him but I'm sleeping with him anyway.
There are so many things that would come back to haunt me if I ran for President someday.
like that video of you mad stoned vomiting in the bdubs parking lot after going to a pizza buffet screaming how you needed to make room for froyo
Wat
In order to see him, he made me facetime with his penis, which he had drawn a smile face on. Getting laid shouldn't be this difficult.
Stop calling dibs on everything with a vagina you jackass.
That should be the title of my autobiography.
Driving from bar to bar trying to recover all of the possessions I've drunkenly lost over the course of the past few nights. Actual nadir of my life and absolute height of shamblyness.
Props for using the word nadir
I can't wait til me and pit bull can just be together
Okay so how much boob would you consider inappropriate for smart casual?
Think i may just have managed the saddest high-five in history. Finished a sudoku and high-fived myself, then looked around for somebody to high five. there was noone. forever alone.
This should be illegal
It is
I mean more illegal... I shouldn't have this
Randomize
