I said ACK before Andy Samberg made it even remotely funny. That tool is stealing all my lines.
Yeah, you've definitely been jizzing in your pants years before he made it socially acceptable
Oh i forgot. I hit on a mentally challenged girl too.
you should just get pregnant. that way you don't need to decide on a career.
so for future reference,at what point did you feel like a line had been crossed?
a guy tried paying for lapdances with cds, who uses those anymore?
Everytime I walk into a bathroom at school that I've taken a pregnancy test in I get a little bit nostalgic....
So when I got her home I realized being a lesbian again isn't like riding a bike...
Totally just locked myself outside of my house, in my robe, with the fedex man and a box of sex toys. Not my week.
i'm not sure when i reached "slam my own hand in the door" status but my half attached fingernail is not grateful.
Woke up Christmas Eve morning with my face smelling like ballsack.. No regrets.
his daughter has his phone and goesss ohhh boobies and shows me a picture of my own tits...
So after the absinthe shots_____(fill in the blank area for me please)......
I DONT KNOW HOW I'M NOT DEAD, JESUS CHRIST ON A DOUBLE DECKER FUCKING KEANU REEVES BUS
so i put my jacket on last night that you wore last weekend, and reach inside the pockets and find them full of goldfish...
the snack that smiles back:)
Dick pics just aren’t doing it for me, this bowl of Mac n cheese and Game of Thrones trump you tenfold
Randomize
