Do you have swine flu?
I know my taste in men is not always top notch; however, I don't sleep with swine.
Pigs, yes. Swine, no.
yup. cregs moms pubic hair is still glued to the celing
I'm guessing "whatever I can get" wasn't the reply the nurse wanted when asking what med I need. Oh, and asked for a cartoon band-aid.
I just met the neighbor hes a self proclaimed coke dealer/ softporn producer.
like he said he was barking at you while cumming in your face
I'll be listening to "I will always love you" and sobbing uncontrollably all night, care to join?
STOP TELLING PEOPLE I PEED ON YOU
Hes wearing a shirt that says warning shitshow and i cant help but think his attorney made him wear it so ppl know the dangers.
Whatever happend to that lawsuit where he got sued for shittig in that fish tank
Dear awkwardly drunk roommate, thanks for stuffing enough change in my clevage that I could afford a pepsi at work today. Sincerely awesome roommate that put up with your drunk ass
Guess who just hooked up with a guy who was wearing a shirt from his mom's "dress up closet"?!
According to my Fitbit I was passed out in my car for 2 hours after she got us kicked out of the bar
Sooo...you're driving 6 hours for free booze?
Don't judge me.
You chased a rabbit then knocked on a police car and asked the cop "if he saw where that little bastard went."
Shhh embrace your inner whore. Just embrace it.
I got sriracha sauce on my mask while I was eating fast food, now wearing it makes me hungry
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