Enough with studying for finals. Time to put that my little pony coloring book to use.
No, we're smoking outside. We're hot boxing the world.
we seriously had to hang a plastic bag on his ears so he could throw up right into it.
Dude, the cops never think it's as funny as you do.
When it gets to the point that I'm more comfortable being naked at his house than my own, it's time to readdress the fuckbuddyship.
I got mine. It's a truly beautiful penis. Plus he pulled his tongue muscle on my vagina.
I hope it's socially acceptable to wear a mesh one piece into last call tonight?
Moonshine marathon is never a good idea
The security deposit's gone, let's trash this motherfucker
Why isn't there a super hero that comes to the aide of really high kids when they kill their car battery?
After this week, alcohol is mandatory.
Literally just sitting around waiting for someone to come along and fuck my chakras back into alignment
My new plan is to whip out my titties when they arrive. Maybe they won’t notice that I broke the couch fucking my boss...
Did you really kidnap my goldfish last night?
This is getting exciting. I almost wanna turn off all the lights, get some popcorn, and stare at my phone screen to see if she's going to say yes or not
And on a much sadder note, I'm way to drunk for this right now
Randomize
