Ever have the mailman look at you like youre a chronic masterbator. I have.
I just spent the last hour spooning with my drug dealer.
it was average length and chubby
so kinda like him?
now i'm wondering if all guys are shaped like their penis...
I cannot believe we're comparing my vagina to Mary Poppins and a black hole.
Do you know how hard it is to get cum out of a straw hat!?
I was so drunk. I apparently did a flip over the balcony using it as monkey bars. Ya I hurt a bit today
I feel like the way you told me you weren't pregnant was pretty anticlimactic.
A girl just asked me if we had pregnancy tests and a coworker had to stop me from telling her I was a pregnancy test. THAT is why I don't drink at work.
You also hate cartoons and musicals, so I will take that to mean the movie was as awesome as I thought it was..smoke weed
I realized I used a copy of a biography of JFK as pillow last night...
Happy Fourth.
You don't know true terror until you get stuck in a porta potty while frying your face off.
You should frame my arrest warrant.
It looks like you got dick slapped by the sandman..
The logic in me says "don't text him" .But the vagina in me says "text him".
The hangover struggle is to real, just passed the drive thru window. Twice.
Randomize
