Nice meating you last night
Not a typo
Plan A DEFINITELY worked... Go with me to get Plan B??
My pussy is not your playground.
That's the last time we joust in Radio Flyer wagons after margarita night.
I love him. He's like the father I never had that I kind of want to fuck.
Omg. The nephews found my stripper pole. The scary part is theyre good at it.
I can't tell if I'm hungover or if my cat just knocked the lamp on my face
she sent me a picture of dilf asleep in bed with the caption "what happened last night?"
Mom got high last night and started crying because she feels bad for Paula Deen. This is my family.
I've already come to terms that I'm gonna have to bone a few gross librarians, but hey, it's college
Have I showed you the picture of my vagina with a little bang flag coming out of it?
Speaking of, what are you doing next weekend? I'm going to a rope bondage seminar and may need a partner if my date bails.
Sometimes I wish I lived alone because there would be no one to judge me if I wanted to have whiskey and popcorn for breakfast.
I'm six Popsicles away from an existential breakdown.
I don't know if I'm dying or this is just a mild inconvenience
Randomize
