I admire a woman who can maintain dignity while puking after too much whiskey
How long do you need to date somebody until it is acceptable to fart in their presence?
The real question is how long do you need to date them to dutch oven them?
I basing my decision on whether or not to date someone on whether I could imagine having sex with them sober
I hit her tiny dog with a horseshoe an hour ago. Her and her mom cried as it laid on the ground shaking. Im drunk.
I drove to Chevron at noon and the Hatian lady goes "Oh, nothing to drink yet white boy?"
There are many reasons why he shouldn't come over. And each one is longer than his penis.
Everyone looked at me like I just fucked a gopher and was wearing it like a hat
Maybe if he'd step up his game and get a real job instead of donating plasma and trying to grow pot then you wouldn't feel compelled to write prisoners in Oregon.
I feel like I'm going to shit out a Big Mac
I mean I puked all over three separate towns last night and I still think you're the one who should reevaluate their life.
Well, at some point in her life every girl has to decide how much weird she's willing to tolerate for hot tall banker cock
Ok, not to minimize the significance of that beautiful anecdote from your childhood, but here's a video of my penis.
he drank half a bottle of bushmills, stood up to pee over the side, pissed his pants, sat in the puddle on the deck, told me my life goals were stupid and impossible, and wouldn't leave until 5am. by the time I got up at 8 I had 4 texts and 2 fb messages from him. AND HE STILL THINKS IT WENT WELL
Last night you were throwing up in my toilet singing "all by myself."
He's such a jerk. If only his penis was attached to someone else
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