he's 24. he finally texted me instead of using facebook chat. baby steps.
at home by myself drinkin the left over champagne from my party... who says my birthday has to end?
No. Especially when my uncle started stripping. Too many shots. So that's where I get that from.
we found you under the sink... we opened up the doors and you told us to go away because you were playing indian in the cupboard
At a St Pats house party. Just raised $110 for two short chicks to crawl into a dog cage together. Video forthcoming. Respect.
almost getting arrested is turning into fucking this cop in his ex wife's lawn. see you tomorrow
be ready to rage tomorrow. like naked ranch dressing rage
We have six bottles of wine and we are at target buying baby oil to grease up the sleds with, just in case you're interested.
Full contact beer pong was definitely not my best idea.
Who shows up to work two weeks ago still drunk and freshly high on blow and gets a promotion and a raise? This girl. Good at business. Super good at being fucked up.
I'm having salsa con queso and a leftover half-drank/flat red bull for breakfast. Nothing you propose doing today would be a downgrade.
The fun I thought I would be having now when I was six is vastly different from what I am currently doing. Hurraaay sex and vicodin.
Apparently fireball doesn't mix well with my no carb diet
this relationship shit is hard. like i'd like to be able to watch veep without him trying to dry hump me. also im drunk and its 11 am so
friends are allowed to bang on New Years, I read it on the Internet somewhere.
Randomize
