im the poster child for why you shouldnt play beer pong with wine.
You tried to tip the paramedic for finding you.
i'm sorry, i thought "hey, she wants TO FUCK YOU" was a good enough cue
he just made me youtube cheetahs running and he thinks he is in a pool
oh awks just saw the head of medical staff who I punched the bottle of wine at
Jesus christ how hard is BRING SNACKS AND DRUGS to interpret? I trust your judgement on this one.
Dude I broke her toilet blowing some dude. I wasn't going to turn down the 300$ he offered to fix it.
I just realized that I have dated 5 unemployed guys...and 3 that drove pt cruisers...Turns out I do have a type.
And after we debated politics. My dream come true: naked, just got done having great sex with a hot mixed guy, talking about why social welfare programs are a bad idea
He woke up, yelled "RALLY!" and then puked in my glove compartment
Dude we gotta go back to your cabin. left glenn. he's calling me crying and still drunk
Twist bend and done? Jesus that sounds like a seventh grade hand job.
Ya’ll! My debit card got switched with my boss’ at lunch today (both Red Wells Fargo)....I realized it at whole foods AFTER I ran it for $100 at Vanity Room getting my vaj waxed 🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️. Most awkward IOU ever tomorrow.
Peru was great. He sent me a text after thanking me for my amazing morals which confused me but made me oddly proud...then he texted a correction. He meant my amazing oral. Sadly this Made me prouder. Fuck u bitches and ur morally inhibiting gag reflexes.
it will be a surprise...all I can say is stripper clown.
Randomize
