well on the bright side, he charges $60 for an eighth
so he'll probably take me somewhere nice
I am so getting Plan B when we get home. Not getting knocked up by a dude with a hair piece.
maybe we can find two twins tonight and bang them together and then my life is complete
thank god my boss can't smell the tequila on my breathe over the phone.
mid blow job she looked up and said "we aren't even facebook friends!"
Everything is fine now . The coast guard said we just can't take the inflatable trampling out past the break way anymore
Wtf just happened. Thought you were in my bed since 3am, turned out I was sharing it w/a drunk girl from the 6th floor lounge...
Yeah, you're right, it's a conspiracy against you. This small tight knit group of people who don't like assholes.
Hostess is going out of business we'll never survive the apocalypse
You are a piece of meat with a side of awesome to me.
if i cared i wouldnt have woken you up by pouring a bottle of soy sauce on you.
is that what this stuff is?
well I didn't shave for the hot dilf I banged last week so I'm sure as hell not shaving for you. Sry
I'm driving to work hungover. I feel like I got hit by a train and then drank that train too.
I was just informed that I asked for a glass of wine at the police station
I'm sure it would have gone very well with the cigarette you lit there.
Ahha guy saw me buying beer, went "hmmmmm" and nodded his head approvingly. No words exchanged, but he has made his way to my heart haha
Randomize
