why am i having a flashback about somewhere we were this weekend with music videos playing? Spike jonze brothers place?? Help me out
YOU GOT EVICTED FROM A TRAILER PARK!?!? WTF!!!!!
all you kept yelling was "i'm bored and i'm sober"
Sorry I had passed out by this time I think, with the chicken fingers ON my face in my bed, with all the lights on, and ketchup all over.
I said i love rain, just to change the subject, and he said 'id like to do it in the rain'. Dear lord. He doesnt stop
I feel like someone kicked me repeatedly in the ribs. I don't think sex is supposed to do that.
He wants me to have his first child. So that makes four gay men that've called dibs on my eggs.
I feel like someone poured gasoline and bleach in my nose and lit it on fire.
Why! I don't feel that at all!!!! I feel jipped
At the very least, I mastered a nap while occasionally being dry humped.
I declared today 'Have a Bloody Mary Naked Day'. Why? Because I'm hungover, thirsty & don't want to bother putting on clothes.
You'd be proud. Took my birth control today at 12:30 with a Budweiser. Guy across the bar saw and held his bottle up to salute me 😂
i refuse to take responsibility for eating Chuck E Cheese pizza and having any other repercussions than the shits.
Imagine how different my life would be if I could find a man who gave me more pleasure than pizza at 2am when I'm drunk.
I woke up in the bathtub with money shoved down my pants. I must've done something right.
Stop making fun of my hookups!
Stop getting hookups that I can make fun of!
Randomize
