If Jimminey Cricket were here with me he would be so disappointed.
it never fails, everytime he manages to fuck my earrings out of my ears.
we flagged you as soon as you tried to put the lime in the microwave to prove it was really a kiwi. again.
I just sent you a google doc listing all the reasons why I should stop hooking up with him. Feel free to add to it.
It's all sex hats and vagina bandages with you isn't it?
dude to be honest with you there is a used condom that ive just left on my floor for three days
you have got to get your shit together
This girl just texted me asking me to drop her cheese. What the fuck for that mean?
Passing out is my livers way of protecting my mind.
What is she getting? Last time we talked her behavior was conducive to getting a tramp stamp on her face.
I'd like to believe that in some alternate universe we are living this wonderful lesbian life together..
Also I'm eating leftovers with a pair of bullet removal forceps (unused) because I don't have a fork.
He went out to smoke and when he came back I was still in the same spot naked and unable to breathe.
All I could say was, "ladies and gentlemen, THIS is why I drive 30 mins"
be right there i have to get my cape
Actually, my eyes didn't start bleeding until the next day. So it was a pretty awesome night overall.
Let the record show that I hate your ass.
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