I'm chasing vodka with french fries.
Since you didn't call me back last night, I can only assume that in 9 months you're going to have a child that I'm going to refer to as, "Daddy's little mistake in Miami."
this weekend will be like the season finale to my life
I am the drunkest girl in the tree.
I just got cash back from buying a pregnancy test so that I can buy a case of joose. My life is in shambles.
Hes warming up week old McDonalds french fries, putting hot sauce on them, and counting them with his shirt off.
Yeah he's still asleep. I washed the blender out. He tried to make a ham-shake. Lets wait until after break to have that talk. I kind of want to see where this goes.
Exactly. This is the bit where I learn a heartwarming lesson about not making my drinks half vodka
So his mom walked in the kitchen while I was sucking him off and just casually suggested that "I'd need a glass of water after that"
Ice that vagina down, get some coffee, and try not to walk with a limp. It's time to dominate, pull it together
A girl just asked me if we had pregnancy tests and a coworker had to stop me from telling her I was a pregnancy test. THAT is why I don't drink at work.
My buddy just got straight up kicked out of the bar on my bday for water boarding people with beer and bar towels
You have the perkiest tits in all of North America. You're fine.
ever feel bored AND lazy?
I call it "awake" but yeah...
Next time I say "i forgot to eat dinner, oh well" before drinking STRAP ME TO A CHAIR AND FORCE FEED ME BEFORE ALLOWING ME TO CONSUME BOOZE
Randomize
