The jonas brothers playing in your laptop. This is why guys won't sleep with you...
Sorry I tried to blow your roommate in your room. I felt more at home there.
i woke up with my wallet keys and phone missing and a treasure map to find them stapled to my shirt.
haha i know
It sounds like heaven mixed with world peace and orgasms. The acoustics in this car are awesome. Or it's the weed idk either way it's great
Seriously. What did you do to me. You have a monstercoooooock.
I can't believe I just typed monstercoooooock. Twice.
Holy shit there is too much Taco Bell here to talk to you
He was humming "here comes Peter cottontail" while unbuttoning his pants. Happy Easter to me
I told her I wanted to use him as a chew toy while simultaneously licking his face.
Did she tell him? And if so, was he cool with it? If yes, date him, date the fuck outta him.
He's passed out. He nodded his head when I asked if he's alive though...so there's that
I STILL HAVE A HARD TIME DECIDING WHAT TO WEAR IN THE MORNING HOW WOULD IT BE POSSIBLE FOR ME TO PICK A PAIR OF PANTS AND GO OH ILL JUST WEAR THESE FOR THE REST OF MY LIFE
I know what I want to do this Friday. However, it might end in me getting kicked out of an arcade and a mini golf course.
Hey kevin, it's Ashlee. I have been trying to get ahold of you. Your pledge gave me your number. I really wanted to apologize for shitting in your car I'll buy new upholstery or pay to have it shampooed if needed. I'm so embarrassed.
i just wanna know who wrote "dibbz" on my ass?
you asked me how to turn on the ladder
It was an entirely appropriate time and place for sexual thoughts.
That doesn't make it ok to play by play me your honeymoon!
Randomize
