Found my puke from September encrusted to the floor under the dresser while cleaning before move out ..... Oh Freshman year
Don't judge me. He's really sexy for a 17 year old. We made nasty in the womens bathroom at the beach. Don't worry. I wore sandals in there.
None of that is ok.
I found a big gulp cup full of vomit in my freezer, are you behind this?
Hey remember that thing i said about never apologizing for being a hot mess? Well that was before you found me drunk in the hallway with no pants.
You grinded and hooked up with a middle aged tiger woods look-a-like with manboobs. Tequila isn't for you.
I just learned my tits were fire resistant. I should join the freakin circus
one minute he's happily playing with a lighter and the next thing I know, he's screaming and the swing set is on fire
Some kid just popped open a giant PBR and walked into his final...
We found Mulan.
I thought you were in bed what the hell
So we broke my sobriety. Played life size childhood games. Broke into a cold hot tub and got laid. I think this is BFF quality!
I just realized I haven't got laid since the last time the Browns won.
I'm a 23 year old adult who just ordered condoms online from Target because I'm still too embarrassed to buy them in the store.
I kept having to give myself encouraging advice like, "you know how a path works"
The date did not go well. Turns out I once set her brother on fire.
My brother is coming home and he is bringing a whole bunch of friends with him. I am making him a cake. What should i put on it?
"Open for business" or "I have condoms" would probably work
Randomize
