Wow that girl who lives a couple houses down is going out wearing butterfly wings a skirt and fishnets
Do you know a sam ****, im at the bar right now and lookin for some dirt on her to guilt trip her in to sex
he asked if he could put his cape on while he was still inside me.
the only reason i invite her is so when the guys start to hit on her i know it's time to take their keys
So after I pop out this baby we need to just go on a monthlong coke binge so I can get skinny again before vegas
The strippers from this weekend suck at words with friends
Call me when you get off. I have stories about black lesbians in jail begging to braid my hair...
The fire alarm went off at 3 am in the freshmen dorm. So guess which junior everyone now knows is hooking up with a freshman? This girl...
nope. It turned out i wasnt the drunkest person asleep in tacobell parking lot.
I feel so nauseous and all I want is string cheese. My life never makes sense.
This is the guy I made out with and it made me think of my dad. Let's never talk about it again.
Is it bad that when someone says the phrase "helicopter dick" I immediately think of you?
I'm not even the least bit surprised that I whored myself out for tiramisu
Screaming "dámelo" at the bottle of scotch was definitely my best and worst moment of Cinco de Mayo 2015.
He said that he had extra crunchy taquitos and wanted to go down on me.. I mean how could I say no?
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