I wish I could punch you in the face.
What are you doing?
High. Watching Billy Mays infomercials...
That guy could sell me cancer.
if you think for one second that i'm not using my mittens as hand puppets at the bar tonight then u dont know me at all!
I hate nights where "I found my underwear" can be considered a victory.
I want the one making out with the dumpster. Is that bad?
show concern. Mark ate a butterfly and proceeded to drink more shots like nothing happened
WE SHOULD MAKE A WORKOUT ROUTINE CALLED BARCARDIO
Dude, I passed out on the side walk, lost my phone and shirt, and walked 12 miles home after I disappeared from the club
The hotel had a helipad. Of course we had sex on it.
like, there should be nothing wrong with me wanting to watch you put on a bikini and roll around in a kiddie pool of jello
Woke up in a house I don't know, with someone else's pants on, and wolverine hair, to my girlfriend yelling on the phone about the 4 girls I made out with last
I also guarantee you multiple orgasams and blueberry pancakes
just turned another straight guy gay. Goddamn the church must hate me
I bought two pregnancy tests and a cosmopolitan magazine at 4am... I told the cashier "dont judge me, ur not God"
I'm gonna go take a shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
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