That's intense
my one-armed grandma is doing the YMCA. you figure it out.
dont worry, it'll just be a conversation starter like "why did you get that pierced?" or "wow, i got arrested there too"
I think im drinking tonight later on...which is good cuz i walked pass the liquor aisle the other day and i swear i heard a kid call me a pussy
Currently bleeding through my leggings. Not good. Not good at all.
Hospital.
I am invincible.
My ex was here I looked him in the eyes when I grabbed some other guy by his belt and dragged him to a room
I pretty much envision me eating a turkey leg whilst fucking you. I have priorities.
we walked around the neighborhood with caution tape tied around our foreheads, making indian noises. I might have disturbed a crime scene to make a native american headdress.
He called me on my way to the bathroom and told me he wanted to hear me pee my beers out... That. Drunk.
It's tough not drinking when the bartender adds rum to your coke without telling you, and doesn't charge you
Remember when we used to go to the bathroom to do drugs together? Now it's to help you with your spanx.
My new successful method of booty calling is sending a screencap of a map with the shortest route from their location to mine highlighted.
she fell asleep in a torn bush after playing cards at a nursing home.
You know I was thinking and I've never seen a penis in a whirlpool before
Everything is a learning experience. Last night we learned why I'm not allowed to bring guys home from the bar....
Randomize
