hell yes lets make some ravioli
Just saw a man being put through a dui test on the side of the road... it was noon and he was on a bicycle. God bless texas.
you mean i was at the winter classic?
my history teacher totally just suggested that we record his lectures and play drinking games with them later so that we pay attention to the material.
he had two deer mounted on his dorm room wall with panties and bras hanging from the antlers... i cant believe i contributed to bambi's headgear...
a search helicopter?!
well when mom kept referring to my "black hole of a vagina" and how i devoured all the nuts at the party like i was a pro, i figured my stay was up.
Well for number 40 i would prefer to at least like the guy attached to the dick
Im organizing a group to help fondle my shoe. Too many shots dude. Too many.
I think my staff loses a little bit of respect for me every time you're in town. I may have to puke at work ...again.
Remember that time i gave you head on MY birthday and you made me stop so you could watch the rhino part in 300
passed out in the hallway last night, now I'm sitting down in the shower, eating lukewarm canned soup out of Tupperware, listening to Carly rae jepsen.. I had a rough night.
Sexting Captain while emailing my eharmony match about my low key weekend is hard.
don't judge my taste in strippers
No, it's okay that he's on a date. I attach no more emotion to him than I do my vibrator.
Randomize
