this is amy. the small petlike person from the womens bathroom at the reef.
Apparently I called 911 everytime Sean Kingston told me to
She just did a myspace photoshoot with her baby
I looked at her and said "I now pronounce you pumpkin tits"
I keep getting texted pictures of my husband with other men. I can't figure out if he wants a divorce or a threesome?
You went from loaded cattleman, to football player, to better football player, to art major from Missouri. Your future was looking so good for a while.
There is a newly found video on my phone of me following you to the bathroom to watch you throw up. sorry I didn't hold your hair
I have a big to do list for you. Number 1 - me. Number 2 - drink wine 3. Talk my ears off. 4. Me again
there was 'chicken suit porn' in my search history.......also 'scuba diving porn'
I tripped while walking across the stage and while trying to pick my diploma back up my flask fell out in front of the dean
I took a yellow and pink pill, all of a sudden my sex drive is back, and for some reason all I wanna do is fuck Amish dudes
Good God, I miss doing unknown drugs with you.
I'll admit it. It was a bad idea to sneak a fart out while she was taking a nap. Can you bring me a pair of underwear from my dresser. Preferably the one with the walruses in party hats one.
My puke in the shower morning just turned into a puke in the restroom at work afternoon. I'm the human embodiment of dumpster fire.
Well, he kept asking me if I was going to murder him once we got upstairs. It sort of killed the mood.
Dude, my back STILL hurts from carrying the team on BP last night.
Randomize
