I'm eating oreos and watching porn. This is your fault.
Who wants to bang the sort of girl you can get with Axe body spray??
Just saw a cop issuing a DUI. At 3 pm. It's definitely the start of winter break.
No I'm not coming over. That Bob Ross drinking game is too intense.
She offered to massage my back by hitting it with a sparkly purple double dildo... Bi chicks can get creepy
Although, to be fair, I am both willing and going to lick marshmallow fluff off of your dick.
But college guys get to crossfade so there's that
No idea what that is
Like getting bent? When you drink and smoke together...
I'm 30 stop using your cool kids words
My dad sent me a 10 ft beer bong and my mom sent me ideas for future careers. I'll let you guess who my favorite parent is. Also, come over tonight. and bring beers.
So I can confidently say that I'm the only 3rd year engineering student who completed all 4 of their exams with One Direction pens
I saved him in my phone as "Well-Hung Burrito Savior." I love Taco Tuesday.
It's like the cookie assaulted me with being high.
Did i fall last night when u carried me home.
idk
OHHH yea you fell down the stairs face first
I had no plans to sleep with him, but he had to stay because of the snow. I always say, don't look a gift storm in the mouth.
RICK FUCKING MORANIS!!!!!
They stopped fighting to partake in M&Ms and porn.
Randomize
