Just crossed the line with my beat friends girl twinsie. Didn't realize tillz afta how much the look alike and an thougholy creeped out. Thanks ciroc
My roommate was eating ketchup out of a bowl. Get me the hell out of here.
Best morning ever. I saw a bum giving another bum a blowjob downtown.
I'm using process of elimination to determine which of our neighbors i fucked last night.
Ia nefed hefelkp i am a taxi
It's so cute when the exchange student uses "blowjob" as a verb.
Rachel and his cat watched us 69 last night. I pretended to be embarrassed the next day... But to be honest I like an audience
Operation: sleep in every bed at the boys' house is nearing completion. Now at 5/9. I AM GOLDILOCKS AND NO ONE CAN STOP ME
It's a sit down to pee kind of hangover
I woke up this morning with a sharpie tramp stamp. Pretty sure it's a picture of a squirrel.
From the bottom of my heart, thanks for never sending me unsolicited dick picks.
I have tasted many bathrooms
The shitshow that was last night is the gift that just keeps on giving
I knew she was the one when we had sex to the halo soundtrack.
The blonde cop looked at my license and told me I better have be home when her shift ends
I hate you
Randomize