so he just left - touched my cheek like he was gona kiss me and then gave me a fist bump?
mmmm my 21st bday fucking sucks all my best friends are pregnant...selfish assholes. they just couldnt wait til after my bday.
She looks like Sash Grey but sounds like Fran Drescher. Advise.
So i got in my car, the seats are leaned back, and soft soul music is playing. Wtf happened last night.
He gave me a book last time I slept there. Im beginning to feel like a really weird hooker. Like instead of money he gives me random shit he has lying around. like hamburger buns
Sorry I didn't text you for coffee this morning...bad life decision Saturday sorta rolled into Monday...
I had fun watching you interact with the world around you. Like a fuckin 8 year old kid who just discovered build a bear but really wants a cigarette.
You told the cop FUCK YOU AND YOUR TASER, i dont think he appricaited that
Almost threw up on my grandmother as she walked in the house. Had to run to the bathroom and vomit my brains out. Prolly getting taken out of the Will now.
Eating pizza and drinking wine while I watch the Victoria's Secret Fashion Show. The wine is for reducing the pain of falling asleep with more insecurities than what I woke up with.
Note to self: if you decide to go to the gym when you're coming down from your day high to shoot some hoops, do NOT play pickup basketball with the big black dudes who need a sixth
i spent 45 minutes yellng Heather I feel so bad i wanna die and then 45 more yelling I DONT WANNT TO DIE. thats how drunk i was
If the ex isent in town and im crying under a table somewhere because of it can we go to a drag show or something
Just masturbating and watching Sports Center...is this what it's like to be a guy?!
Quick I need a sexy way to say "suck your balls"
Randomize
