Fuck their fairy tale bullshit. I shall ruin it. With a few thrusts of my cock.
the girl next to me in class is drinking a margarita out of a slurpee cup. i know your going to ask how i know its a margarita and the answer is i can smell the tequila. i never want to leave this place
I don't care what you say, cheap wine does NOT taste better in expensive crystal...
i officially have more pictures of his dick than pictures of us together
I would like to apologize for making you the target of my "I wish head hair grew as fast as Pubes speech" the other night
I passed out in the stadium during the 4th quarter and you guys just left me there?
Yea, but we put money for a cab in your pocket.
You can't be mad because the taco bell people like me and not you. I'm not the one that puked in front of them.
It was the night of "what the fuck have you done with my daughter and where is she" texts from mom...
I just threw up in my front yard because my roommate was in the bathroom. Fuck New Years Day.
I've been here for three hours and I am already feeling sorry for whatever offspring i will indefinitely produce in this place.
I pray for you bro.
LinkedIn just suggested I might know the guy I caught my wife fucking.
"He was so not worth staining my backseat for."
Yeah man... I ordered donuts, drank wine, and cried to a movie with Seth Rogen in it. Do you really think I have my shit together?
Your pictures have evolved a lot over the years but I think your angry dick pic phase was one of my favorites
She picked a quarter off the floor, kissed it "for luck" and won the $20,000 jackpot. She bought dinner and stayed sober to drive us home. This is a typical example of a visit with my sister.
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