If immigrants and dwarves find love, why can't I?
that cunt stole my fb status. SHE'S NOT THAT FUNNY
I just had a dream where Bob Saget recognized me from when I hung out with him in a dream I had months ago.
this is never going to happen for me, I think he thinks I'm crazy
well you did scream "PLEASE! I'LL S YOUR D IN FRONT OF EVERYONE"
It went from cuddling and watching blood diamond to watching the three of them snort an entire $80 bag of blow off the coffee table
My last memory involves me naked in a mens's bathroom stall. I really hope my date was with me.
His ankle bracelet went off in the middle of sex. That makes a girl reevaluate her life...
Dude, fuck the siberian warm up. You can't put vodka in hot chocolate. Learn from my mistakes
When you give the bridesmaid toast someday at my wedding I need you to quote Ricky Bobby in some form. And slip in your sister has the vagina of awesomeness. That is all.
She keeps asking if I've seen him... For the last time YES... IN MY BED LAST FRIDAY NIGHT AND THEN AGAIN SATURDAY MORNING
i dont remember how or why, but i now have 3 coupons for a free BJ from Anise stapled to my right arm.
Batteries died. I don't care that you're studying for the bar. Come over. Bring the law books and study after. I'll even make coffee.
It was just a matte of pubes and mustard.
I renamed some of my contacts in my phone before passing out and I have one I cant figure out, its "fucking house elf scum"
There's a random table in the kitchen...and it's not the kitchen table...we don't know where it came from
Randomize
