During sex she told me I could do anything I wanted to her. You remember that toy lightsaber we bought at Wal Mart?
Four minutes until I can fart!
Currently in a meeting. i am playing the not throw up game. god i hope i dont lose.
Using manwich sauce as ketchup. Not bad. Love college.
I didn't know it was possible to make picking up dog shit look sexy.
She did the bend and snap...
Sometimes I wonder why.. Then I realize I can't fool myself with that question bc we all know it's bc of his enormous dick
We made a late night liquor run, made margaritas and bloody marys and then retreated to opposite sides of the house to drink them. Alone.
You guys make me sad
You misspelled jealous there
We had a weird moment. Mid-sex he started talking. It went along the lines of "I. FUCKING. LOVE.....this condom..."
But the drunk streaking fizzled when one of jake's friends took a piss while running with a massive erection.
Just realized Ive never seen my f buddy in the daylight. What if he looks different?
Im gonna go for the gay guy. The ginger is freaking me out.
He told me I smelled like peanut butter, pepperoni, and pure unbrieldled passion.
If I could go one week without being called a maneater or a spanish trolip that would be great.
Drunk you needs to learn how to call sober me, so sober me can talk your drunk vagina down.
I just split a tacobell party box with my boss. 12 tacos. We were equals for a moment.
Randomize
