Just seen on a tshirt : "fake titties taste funny"
What can I say...he's packing some serious heat down there. You wouldn't expect that looking at him, huh?
I guess God knew he was going to be bald...
If I'm having a dream where I'm having sex and I can actually feel it between my legs because I've had a lot of it recently, does that make me a whore?
I have a feeling this is a serious question. Problem solve, Jess.. I'm going to let you figure that one out on your own
I will never try to masturbate with americas funniest home videos playing in the background ever again
The guy is drinking 5 bottles of beer in a juice pitcher. Fucking amazing.
It went alright, nothing too special, just got threatened with a knife by our server.
We stopped midfuck cuz a guy was walking his dog. Who the fuck walks their dog in the dorm parking structure at 3am!?
Hahahaaa There's this one girl crying hysterically and wrapped around (i believe) her ex's leg. He's trying to shake her off without spilling his beer. This is fucking priceless.
The highlight of your blackout was when you drunk showered with the garden hose and emailed your boss your vacation requests for the next year.
I'm pleased to know that your mom refers to me as "the ass piliager" now
I woke up not knowing what state I was in. Turns out, people from Deleware are pretty helpful.
I've never been so drunk at home. I just sat on the toilet playing with toilet paper for ten minutes, I almost made a paper crane.
why do i have a pole dance champion shot glass?
I am watching the most amazing drunk person ever. Literally such a trooper that you can put anything in front of him he'll drink it. His latest reason for taking another shot was: well whatever. I'm never gonna get married anyway.
just learned i can hear my fish chewing his food WHILE HES IN HIS BOWL. im going to have to call you back.
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