Dude someone changed all the contacts in my phone to I Like Eggs
The only thing I want to hear out of a girl's mouth tonight is, "slurp".
yeah that facebook group of people who have had sex with me probably isn't to discreet...
I sharted during my first quiz and I couldn't leave, I went ahead and took the rest of the day off.
the bar tender told me i could keep an air matress in the backroom.
Just because its your birthday does not mean u can play quarters by dropping quarters into cups to make me drink.
I kept trying to give you water and you kept spitting it back at me. You looked like a camel. People were staring
See, thats where im at with my life, welcome to the slut yaht we will be cruising comfortably all summer at an extremely drunken relaxing pace S.S. Slut Bucket
When you are old and getting humped by saggy balls every other weekend you are gonna wish you had more sex with freshly legal boys. Your vagina will thank you one day. Don't let her down.
I can't stop drooling did you spike my drink?
It looks like a baby bear tried to chew off my nipples.
What guy invites over a booty call, gets all naked and then when the real fun begins and a condom is needed, claims to not have one? And wears socks THE entire time?
LIKE ALL I WANT TO CURE MY HANGOVER IS PORKROLL AND LIKE 85% OF THIS COUNTRY DOESN'T KNOW WHAT IT IS
I just had a visual of u banging and screaming at him at the same time.
at this point, i'm only going to therapy to get more free condoms
Randomize
