Looks like an M-80 went off in a lb. of pastrami
I'm sitting here watching a kid lick a basketball- where have i gone wrong in life?
Should I hook up with a slut its your call
Yes. Wrap it. If you dont have a condom do it anyway. YOU ONLY LIVE ONCE.
i wish you could fill a pinata with booze
1. I feel like Jello 2. The girl i hooked up with last night isn't here and a different girl is lying next to me. 3. I have no clothes on 4. Can guys go on walks of shame?
You should have been there to see the look on her face when I told her that my dog gives better head than her. It was a beautiful symphony of shock, anger, and disbelief.
Just had a flash back. Pretty sure i ate toilet paper last night.
I can't feel my clothes. I'm convinced I'm naked
Just wanted to say, I appreciate your bravery in having read receipts
The little girl I'm babysitting is having a tea party, the water and chips she's passing out are doing wonders for my hangover.
I just had a dream that I was fighting Donald Trump... Gotta stop watching the news before bed
I tried to text you about going to the Lion's Den but sent it to my boss. She was down for it. Please advise.
I got my gum stuck on his balls.
We made out in front of everyone INCLUDING his girlfriend. And no one saw. THAT DRUNK!
Omg. I'm living macklemores best life. I have someone's granddads dog, I'm about to have someone's grandmas car. I look incredible.
Randomize
