I'm so high I just tried to eat a hair tie thinking it was one of my pretzels.
she found me naked passed out on the toilet and i just kept repeating "i'm like elvis, but not dead."
If I have to take him to the hospital, I'm drawing dicks on his face
the beer staff turned into a beer spear way to quickly
Too high to move please buy hi-c and pour it in my mouth in exchange I will marry your first born child
Guy in the room next to us in the ER is chanting "I'm jeff and I'm drunk". He's trying to get released to finish tailgating for the Iowa game that starts in 9 hours.
Do u like your dick pics shot in hotdog or hamburger orientation?
Just skate-of-shamed, shirtless, with a bucket or margaritas. Good luck beating that one.
in that moment our bushes were one. and in that moment we were pure.
I haven't reeked of cheap beer and poor decisions in months. I officially hate adult life.
He's hot, you can get laid, and you may get free drugs. It's the trifecta of banging a drug dealer
I feel like my sexual preferences are just another sign that I am a 75 year old drag queen in a 29 year old woman's body.
Bad news man, we're gonna have to reschedule Golden Coral: The Musical
I don't know who the fuck this is, but right on man
hey. this is your former cousin. you boned my best friend last night.
they were drunk. and loud. and now they're drunk and quiet. or dead, you never know.
Randomize
