Its not like he dircectly choose a cheeseburger over sex, it was more like I said seductively "I really appreciate this and I'm going to make it up to you anyway I can" and he replied "i want a bacon cheeseburger"
i guess he just knew i was going to sleep with him either way
She said she's saving anal for marriage cuz she has to save something for her husband...seriously just caught myself lookin at rings.
it never fails, everytime he manages to fuck my earrings out of my ears.
he tried to convince me he was a seal.. sound effects included. and then asked me to 'be his lady seal'.
I wasn't going to take him home until I heard "hung like a water buffalo" then curiosity got the best of me.
I'll never be able to have sex on these sheets. I'd have to cover up the eyes of every single Elmo.
end of the world party next friday. virgin sacrifice. tell me you know someone whos still a virgin
Note to self: remember to figure out whether melted cheese is a liquid when not stoned
i just had diarrhea that people from the 1930's would have died from
I just bought a blender and 120 pizza rolls. Bring tequila.
You may be fancy. But you'll never be having cheesy garlic bread and scotch at 3am fancy.
BOOM BITCH SERVES YOU RIGHT I HOPE YOU SHIT YOURSELF PETER PAN
New guy moved in the apartment next door. He's a combat vet, 6'4", Adonis body and going to med school. My vagina is chewing thru the wall as we speak.
And on a positive note i found a list that i made in 3rd grade titled "what to do if you want a guy to like you"
hold on i need to sex proof my eyelashes. thank godd for waterproof mascara
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