She thinks she is all that and a bag of skittles but I'm definitely not tasting the rainbow...
oh and i feel obligated to inform you that there will be no sexin' because it's 'lady time' for me. so this ain't a booty call.
apparently it's not kosher to shit in a litter box when there's a line for the bathroom
Woke up with a chicken parm sandwich in my clutch. Aaaand I'm eating it.
Before you say anything, my vagine does NOT discriminate against young dads
I went commando last night, then accidentally flashed a police van...They acknowledged it.
Dunno why I keep hitting snooze. It's never gonna give me the kind of sleep I need to be sober.
Unless you can blow me and bake me a pie at the same time, im not impressed.
NO HOOKUPS IN THE CAR. I will try as i might to practice what i preach, but there are no guarantees.
All my money is going towards making my vagina hairless
Worth it.
I'm going to be an 8 year old girl down there foreverrrr #fountainofyouth
Then, right before he came he said "I want to buy you so many things!" What the fuck?!
I'm sad that I feel like I need to temporarily change your name in my phone from Smashley until you have the baby and can be unsober with us again.
Also I just took Ritalin with coffee so if anyone wants to know what numbers sound like, I got you
I lost a shoe at the club last night, I think that's when I decided to go home.
It's like she fell out of an MTV reality show and no one knows how to send her back
Randomize
