I'm afraid my bank account can't handle syllabus week.
The guy in 209 is masturbating with the door cracked again
I just got licked by a stripper, not so great anymore.
I want a burrito.
Truly, you are the voice of a generation.
Maybe I'll just get really drunk on valentines day and tell him I think his penis is small
You always have that cute deer in the headlights look. Thats what made showing you my penis for the first time so disconcerting.
Dave got tied up again. I'm done breaking into girls houses to cut him loose. At least before noon.
I thought it was a drawer and tried to pull it out and it wasnt a drawer it was the police call button. I hate everything.
My gyno overestimated by 3 TIMES the amount of sex we have per week. First of all, he must think I'm a freak. Secondly, I think we should catch up.
i just remember sliding through the snow and yelling i love america before puking on the oncoming cars
I'm having an emotional breakdown watching baby sloths on YouTube you need to come save me from myself.
I told people at my moms bar that all I needed to sober up was to get my asshole licked, and I blame you 110%.
He just compared our sex to a grand slam on Wii fitness
You're doing it right
Why can't you just come over, fuck me, then leave so i can get stoned and watch law and order?
Afterwards he face timed like four of his friends screaming he banged the hot intern.
Randomize
