Where is the hickey?
Awkward medical moment of the day: A very obese girl with a disorder that literally makes her hit herself punched herself in the face. Literally. While screaming 'MCDONALDS MONEY'. Right. Beside. Me.
What started out as Cougar hunting turned into whaling
His mom just asked me if I was "fooling around with her baby again" and then when I walked downstairs his dad YELLED "Look who's taking the walk of shame!"
You really need to stop fucking dudes who still live with their parents.
Stop being a whore!!! Everyone can see!!!!
I brought red and green boonsfarm to the white elephant party. classy and festive. I think this is what people are referring to when they talk about killing two birds with one stone.
got so drunk i was kicked out of my own birthday party and tried taking a bottle of vodka with me
Some are given great drunkenness. Others have great drunkenness thrust upon them, in the form of ice storms.
I can't wait for round whatever # we're on tonight.
Im pretty sure at one point a very high you yelled, with actual tears in your eyes, "im not wrestling with you anymore, you dont respect my safe word!!"
Sorry, not ignoring you.. We broke open the other piñata left from cinco de mayo and it was filled with condoms, mini booze bottles, and those little party horn things you blow into. You'll forgive me when we're fucking for days with all these free condoms.
All I know is I want him to tie me up at least twice a week and I have an overwhelming urge to cook for him. Could this be love? I'm so confused....
the problem is i have six tabs of acid in my freezer and no self control
Also...I'm semi-dating the drug dealer that took me to bible study
Thx for last night. I've never had so much fun while being told my life decisions are questionable at best.
Randomize
