At my boss' house at a bbq. Had a few beers. Taking a poop - there's no TP...this is my nightmare.
Um, I don't really remember much about the event... and then I woke up on the metro..
note to self... there IS such a thing as having too many birthday shots...
New plan, instead of sleeping with her, I'm just going to use her to sleep with the entire sorority.
You just kept saying "they don't make cigarettes for squirrels. Yet."
It's like I'm snorkeling in an ocean of tequila.
I misunderstood what a furry was. Come pick me up.
My mom just walked in and she was like "Who ate all of the cheese?" and all I could think of was you trying to become a human taco
I made a side by side comparison of her Facebook pic and the chick on the anti meth billboards. Plus a ven diagram showing mostly shared physical attributes. I sent u the PowerPoint. You were sufficiently warned.
i know i saw many looks of jealousy when i walked solo into subway carrying a cheesy gordida crunch after taco bell closing hours
I'm sure for most of the people, it was the one and only miracle they will see
Ok so I didn't mean for his first impression of me to be lying face down on his roommates bedrooms floor throwing up my jäger but it happened. Atleast my ass looked good in those jeans. Think I still have a shot?
This morning i put band aids over my nipples bc i was too lazy to put on a bra. Think I've reached a new low.
Why are you barefoot at a strip club?
If I could eat my chicken parm naked, it would be the closest I could ever be to God.
he said he's going to burn things and pack his stuff. he may leave tomorrow supposedly but i doubt it
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