saw my dad's penis on the x-ray last night. at least his hip wasn't broken
i keep forgetting that not all of my female friends are bisexual.
he kept doing his monologue, "if a vagina could talk."
You SHOULD feel empty, we were at the top of our game, and by that i mean snorting things we don't understand and only a few steps away from adultery.
THERE IS A GOAT THERE IS A GOAT IN MY BED IT IS EATING MY THONG WHAT DID YOU DO
Girl at work pointed out that the blood vessels around my eyes were all popped and I smell like puke
i only stock magnum condoms so if the guy i bring home doesn't fit in them he only gets to eat me out. no exceptions.
I started singing I believe I can fly in the shower and it was like the first stage of insanity
He came so hard that he yelled what sounded like a spell from Harry Potter.
First night of sleeping in the same bed, and she farted on me. I immediately excused myself and went home. Don't know if we're still together. Will update you.
All boys are excommunicated from my vagina until further notice.
Just escaped from the ER. Meet me at the bar in 20 minutes.
He has me blocked on facebook.... so I stalked him using my cats fan page.
There's a pregnant girl taking shots of apple juice
Where are all your bongs? Your Dad wants to make sure they're put away before his family gets here.
Umm....in my room, on my closet, under the bed and behind my laptop.
Randomize
