i hate sounding clingy, but i just wanted to verify i wasn't an asshole in your mind
i just overheard my mom tell my dad he should drink less so he could hit the right hole
I love you. And by the way. I found out a way for you to train your gag reflex. Elliot taught us in math.
I woke up after 12 hours of being wildly intoxicated, got jizz on my face, and woke up in a different bed than I passed out in. My makeup is still perfect. I'm writing Revlon a thank you note.
I think I left my camera at your house. It would be in both of our best interests if you don't go through the pics.
thanks so much for stopping me from telling him i want to have sex with him while i proceeded to hookup with the air.
My face feels like its stuck between a ball sack and an asshole.
I found a body half wedged into my bedroom wall this morning. How do I explain THIS to the carpenters?
I just contemplated drinking cheese dip. And by "contemplated," I mean "attempted and was forcibly stopped from."
Life is so difficult sometimes. Can you imagine? Going through life, constantly creating boners everywhere you go.
Just skate-of-shamed, shirtless, with a bucket or margaritas. Good luck beating that one.
I'm still high with raccoon eyeliner eyes and chocolate all over my face and chest, clutching a mug of wine. Happy graduation.
well. can officially check "get caught having sex on the front porch by the neighbors" off the bucket list.
Never go drinking with anime club. End of story.
If not, I can murder my liver twice...it's like a cat, it has 9 lives
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