I'm so bummed I missed coconut bowling. It's fucking cold here and no coconuts to be found
dude smells like cheese burgers and loose women...... i want his life
guess what. just found out I had mono. no wonder alcohol didn't taste good on nye
the pub in dfw airport has a countdown timer to st. pattys day, to the second, i like texas
You threw up with your ski mask on still.
Listening to Whitney Houston sing the National Anthem while I shit before going out tonight. America.
i think the theme of this summer is "shitting in weird locations."
Is the booze for tonight or the apocalypse?
Both. Pregaming the zombie party and hurricane sustenance.
We've started traveling with Michael and Patrick so we can pretend we're two legit straight couples.
A charade that fell apart the second another couple on the cruse found Sarah face down in my box on an observation deck.
...and as she's going down on me I look at the speedo and I'm doing 15 under, with 6 cars tailgating me, and I know her parents saw her head pop up because they were the car right behind us.
He fell asleep cradling my ass and every time I moved he adjusted his hand accordingly. I've found the one.
He compared my ass to "a 13 year old track star's ass." Umm WTF? Is that supposed to be a compliment? And when I questioned boy or girl he said "either."
Although can we find me a starter dick? I don't want security showing up again. That was awkward.
I just masturbated while watching Say Yes to the Dress
This is what my life has come to
She shit herself again. We're calling her the "Queen of Sharts".
Randomize
