Get your hand out of your ass!
how did you know my hand was in my ass? Guess where my other hand is..?
In your belly button
So I fucked that hot french guy last night
You do know he's the one who threw up on our table, right? You get to clean it up.
I fucked my boyfriend 15 minutes before my pap test. My gyno probably thinks I hate her.
fine. I googled it. you have to eat 5 to die so apparently I'm in the clear.
Last time I saw him the sun was coming up and he was asleep in the student wellness parking lot. For some reason people were peeing on him.
How many weeks is it acceptable until I can start bringing freshman back?
All I wanted was a quiet evening to masturbate and eat cake and instead you ruined it by bringing girls over.
And the horses in Central Park have blankets. And Rafiki just told me "it is time" in the back of our cab.
I went on my dinner date pretending that my lunch date didn't jizz in my hair.
I'm in the middle no shirt white shorts humping the white dustbuster next to the guy shooting off the tazer infront of the two guys humping on the bicycle
I was hoping for a marriage proposal... Or at least an offer to sleep in his bed.
You called me your momma bear, and then demanded more vodka
If last night was a preview of 2015, I quit.
You were holding onto her boobs like you were adrift at sea and they were the only flotation devices
He's nice and all but I think I rather masturbate my way to happiness instead.
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