He tipped the stripper with quarters. After that not even the waitress would talk to us. I had to move to another table to get a lapdance
I got lit on fire and andy went to jail last night. Totally unrelated incidents though.
She makes walking on a treadmill look like a porno. I wish I could send over shots as an ice breaker.
That's effing brilliant. We should start a business.
Well, my breasts are swollen and I cried about the Iditarod. But I say PMS until proven pregnant.
Just saw the guy I slept with last night in a bar. He gave me a high five and kept moving
he walked up looked at my boobs then looked at my eyes then looked at my boobs again smiled and said "can I get you and the girls a shot "
Just get over here and light metaphorical fireworks in my literal vagina
And I just got smacked in the face by my cat. Apparently I'm supposed to be awake now.
Speaking of which.. there's underwear in my backseat and Arby's cheese sauce on my door handle. So much for my new Volvo bringing out my classy side.
He made her leave because she liked Top-Ramen better than Maruchaun. He's my hero.
He's gonna turn my vagina into the Sahara desert
Also, two points for knowing me well enough to know I definitely would put the moves on his brother.
he walked off and puked in the sand. then he made a sand castle over it so that "it wouldn't upset the kids"
For full disclosure: I told my roommates last night that you have a very clean asshole.
Have you ever been anal in a bush on the Vegas strip drunk?
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