when I'm not with you everything just looks like crayon scribble
i feel like i'm waiting in line to date brett michaels
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
She looks like an uncircumcised penis in a hat.
somethin' about having sex in my parents bed makes me feel like l'm finally an adult.
he just invited me over for the 3 p's...pepsi pizza and porn...I'm gonna marry him
I'm driving to work with an ice pack on my vagina. how was your weekend?
It was so delicious I was introducing it to people. Guy from my psych class was like "This is my girlfriend, Erica," and I was like, "This is my milkshake, Oreo."
maybe next time you shouldn't be drinking alone watching intervention at 3 am and no one would think you needed an intervention.
She told me about it right after. She said she was scared I would be disappointed. And I was, but I pretended not to be. Which pretty much sums up our relationship.
We boned on a bench in a park, french people were walking by cheering us on. Totally acceptable
Maybe you can hide out somewhere she would never go. Like a counseling center or AA
Good morning love! Friendly reminder that we decided to make leggings with a vagina zipper. "For the winter quickie"
This is exactly why you shouldn't bang your bartender. Although the awkward free shots are a plus.
He propositioned me for a threesome once so yeah I'd say he has what it takes to run for public office
Randomize
