my mario cart skills improve with alchohol. and i think my real car skills do to but the cop didnt see my logic
I told my boyfriend my favorite food was strawberry poptarts, now my email inbox is getting spammed with nude pics of him with his dick in a poptart box..
I found out why we traded puke covered dresses in the bathroom.
Thats the last thing I remember and then I woke up in this Dutch kids dorm and he was taking a picture of me while I was sleeping
It's also dangerous to ride a bike down the stairs after a few beers, but I've done it.
I mean it's my life so what if i want to drink Molson from my sparkly shoes and not regret anything
Even the bar was yelling boobs, so of course the shirt came off
Okay. How did someone manage to piss on TOP of a urinal? What giant is roaming around with a prick five feet from the ground?
When Vanessa's kindergarten teacher called me in because she was caught with her hand down some boys pants in the bathroom, I knew you babysat last week.
How do I go about messaging a girl on a dating site whose little sister I've had a three some with...?
I just realized that at some point last night I told someone I would only be friends with 16% of them because the other 84% stole my people's land
got into a verbal altercation with Luke Harangoty last night over a table. Called him a cross-eyed fuck and got the table.
sitting in a shitty karaoke bar playing pokemon go and drinking a mimosa. how is your sunday night
Just used the word fistfucking in a serious conversation with my professor in front of the class, while making an appropriate and valid point. Win.
Jenna is yelling bc of the condom wrappers and cum stains. This is the 3rd and last time you have sex in my roommates bed.
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